Writing the Love Scene or Not

How do you prepare to write the big love scene? Maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who finds it easy. No inhibitions to hold you back. No pent up emotions or repressions. Free thinking parents who always called body parts by their real names. Parents who explained that love (sex) was a natural part of life. If you are, then I’m jealous.

I remember saying the word sex at the dinner table and my dad, who was the most loving father in the world, choked on his cup of tea.

My mother, also an adoring parent, never mentioned specific body parts. She would just point her eyes to that part of my body until I got what she was talking about.

When I heard the words spoken by friends, you can imagine my distress. They’re descent to Hell was a big concern.

Are you beginning to understand my difficulty?  Now here is where things really get weird. I am a CP for a wonderful writer of erotica in addition to her other genres. I hear you laughing. I didn’t know she wrote erotica until we’d bonded, and the thought of losing her was traumatic. She’s the best CP, ever.

She obviously knew my difficulty with love scenes. After all, she’d listened to me lament about them for hours. “Do you want to CP my book? It’s okay if you don’t. I understand.”

Maybe this was an answer. If I read graphic sex scenes, I’d build up a tolerance. A type of immunity to the chilling words. I’d read somewhere that if you do something over and over, you become desensitized.

I agreed to CP her book. I secretly thought I could skip the sex scenes and concentrate on the story. Erotic books are all about sex scenes. Did you know that? I was able to muddle through it and even give some good suggestions. She actually changed some of the scenes that didn’t make sense to me.

Now, to write my own scene. I was armed with knowledge, a blasé attitude, and the will to succeed. I can do this, I said with great determination. Right! Wrong.

Reading someone else’s sex scene is not the same as writing your own. My hands shook when my fingers tried to type the dreaded words. I really wanted to write a sexy scene. I put on some music. Michael Buble has some very sexy CD’s. I poured a glass of wine and gulped (not sipped) while I wrote. I made myself type the words. I sat back with a satisfied and tipsy grin on my face. Well done, I said. I’ll read it tomorrow with fresh eyes.

“April, I’ve written a sex scene, a real one.”  April is a pro at this. It always confuses me, because she is very shy. How does she manage to type the words and describe the act in such detail? I mean excruciating detail.

“Let me read it. E-mail it to me.” I copy and paste the best scene I’ve ever written into the body of the e-mail. I write that tongue-in-cheek.  I read it for a tenth time. It’s very sexy, I think, proud of my accomplishment. My finger clicks on the send button.

I wait, and I wait, and I wait. What’s taking her so long? Does she think it’s as great as I do? She’s probably stunned because I wrote such a graphic scene.

My computer dings. I have an e-mail. I can’t wait to hear her praise.

“It’s cute,” she writes. Cute, cute! What does cute have to do with a hot and torrid sex scene? Sexy, hopefully… Sensual, of course… but cute. Cute and sex do not belong in the same sentence. Even I know that. My head drops to the computer.

I let myself go and write the hottest scene of my writing career.

The next day I couldn’t wait to read my scene. I knew it was going to be sexy, romantic, and hot. I scrolled to the scene and began to read. My heart raced. I felt the flush creep up my body until my face burned with embarrassment.

Dear Lord, I can’t publish this. My fingers went wild deleting. What was left were two paragraphs of mish-mash.

I rewrote the scene.  Sigh, I doubt I’ll ever reach the level of sensual or hot.


To find Stolen Hearts on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Stolen-Hearts-ebook/dp/BooE3LMF71






Released 2014

Stolen Hearts    

Coming in 2014 by SoulMate Publishing:

The Call

Love on the Double T

Moody Gallery

The Exchange


6 thoughts on “Writing the Love Scene or Not

  1. Patricia, you made me smile. I’m betting we’re from the same generation. The description of your mom’s eyes traveling to THAT body part was so eloquent. I can still see my mother’s face as she attempted to have the Birds and the Bees talk with me. I must have been about nine when I asked THAT question. I remember her expression pinching, and then she dove right in–but in retrospect, I realize how well she glossed over the facts. LOL! Somehow, I managed to overcome those early impressions. Years ago, I wrote my first real sex scene. Got brave enough to let a friend read it. Gave her the pages, then waited. Waited. Waited. A month later, I finally asked if she’d read the scene. She said, “Yes, I did. I keep them by my beside for inspiration.” What happened to that scene? It’s been lying, dormant, in a book that’s almost completed in first draft. One of these days I’ll get back to that story. I think you need to give it another try! 😉

  2. LOL, Patricia! I identify. I can fantasize the scene, write what I think is hot, leave it for a couple of days and come back to find that it doesn’t even make sense! But like everything else, I revise and rewrite and it starts to come together. Thanks a million for sharing this!

  3. Love your honesty with the struggle. I solve this problem by simply not going there. Call me a coward, but alas, I am of the less is more, giggle over the topic generation. As to sex scenes, how about practice makes perfect? Interpret and follow through on that advice in the manner that best suits you goal! 🙂 Awful double entendre, I know, but I needed a good giggle on this icy day!

  4. Great article. I also have a CP who writes erotica. I can write sex scenes but not like hers. They are scorching. For me the scene isn’t about the sex but how it moves the story forward. If they are just doing it for the sake of it to fill pages it won’t work. I recently wrote a scene where the girl was tied up and blindfolded but he was gentle. He was badly scarred and thought she would reject him. It made the whole thing make sense. That said the first time I wrote D..k or c..k I struggled to type it. There are some words I would never use as well.

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